It will come as no surprise that successful, contented high achievers share a number of positive attributes. Although they are disciplined and prepared to put in the effort to reach their achievable goals, they still manage to be relatively well balanced in all areas of their lives. They have a high level of concentration and focus because most meditate or practice mindfulness. They live their lives consciously and authentically.
When life is lived authentically there is no room for role playing and games. An authentic person involves themself in life with the desire to be and do the best that they can. They never worry about the acceptance of others. They never compare themselves or copy other people. They realise they are not perfect and accept their own mistakes. They are always honest with themselves and accept and experience their feelings. Authentic people know that what is needed to be and do the best they can lies within them. Inauthentic people look to others and material trappings to provide their best.
Dadi Janki in Releasing Your Spiritual Identity says that authenticity (introspection as she defines it) is “having the desire to become good and involving yourself in the efforts which will make that happen.” Inauthenticity (extroversion, once again as Janki defines it) is “having the desire to have others thinking you are good and involving yourself in efforts that will make that happen.”
Although Janki’s message applies more to our spiritual state of being, it is relevant to all areas of our lives generally. We either play games or we are real. We adopt roles to increase our self-worth and to impress others, and to reinforce what we want to believe about our self. Let’s look at a few of the more common roles we play. You will no doubt know people who fall into one or more of these categories.
The Struggler – A very common role which usually applies to men but more women are appearing on the casting couch every day. This poor sod does try really hard. He pulls long hours, rushes around and works his butt off, is tired and stressed but maintains his position on struggle street. The Struggler hopes his efforts bring him respect and that he will be seen by others as a good responsible hard working person. He has no direction and has lost his way; he has actually lost control of his life.
The Damsel in distress – She uses her femininity and sexuality to manipulate others into getting or doing something she wants. What red blooded girl is not guilty of this one! The problem arises when this role comes from helplessness, dependency and lack of self worth.
The Diva – She believes her superior attitude, extrovert manner and bragging will convince people she is unique and special and will elicit approval and awe because inside she really is not too sure of herself.
If you’ve got a sister that screams ‘Diva’, a boyfriend who is the eternal ‘Struggler’ or a best friend who gets her way by playing the role of ‘Damsel in Distress’, what role are you playing? Or are you genuinely you – are you authentic?
Role playing is quite exhausting and stressful and we all do it to some degree. We can, however, learn a lot about ourselves by analysing the roles we play or better still becoming aware of when we are assuming a one. Mindfulness will enhance this awareness.
Becoming real and ditching the roles and games is a major step in turning our lives around. The benefits are numerous. There’s no shortage of friends and willing helpers when we are authentic. People are drawn to honesty and integrity and are usually helpful and supportive. Authentic people are confident and know its ok to be, do, and have the best in life.
Whether we aspire to become a happy, highly successful person, a contented high achiever or just wish to uncomplicate our life and de-stress, we must be honest with ourselves and live our lives authentically.
This week, become aware when you are having an exchange of any sort with anybody. Are you truly being yourself? Are you coming from that place within that you know is totally real? Is there a fake laugh? Are you agreeing with someone when in reality you are on a completely different page? Are you saying or doing anything that may be manipulative in order to get something you want?
You are living your truth only when you are in no way prepared to compromise your integrity!