By Holly Small
Posted: Updated:

I’m a positive person. I like to focus on the bright side of life and am a big believer in affirmation and manifestation – you get back what you put out to the universe – so I try my best to put out positive thoughts, and clear myself of fear and negativity.

I love to read blogs that promote a healthy lifestyle, living life to the fullest, being at one with nature etc, and while I love the wonderful philosophies espoused by their writers – philosophies  that I generally believe in and can take solace in – sometimes all that positivity is just really hard to swallow. Sometimes it simply feels impossible to be grateful and see the silver lining.

Most people go through a stage in their life, at least once, where life throws curve ball after curve ball. You get back up after one gut wrenching experience and WHAM – you get hit with something else. My life over the last year and a half is exhibit A.

I’ve had an emotional 18 months to say the least. I have been through a series of experiences that, at risk of sounding completely cliché, have been life changing. I have felt complete and utter despair, which stills ebbs and flows, and to be perfectly honest, I spent months feeling emotionally rung out – like I had used up all my reserves. Grief is exhausting.


Blog1_black heart - grief comment


I sat down one night with all these questions in my head about life, love and the loss that is simply part of it all. I thought about all the beautiful blogs I read, and will continue to read, about health and well-being, love and gratitude, and I thought right now, all I need is honesty. I need to be honest with myself about how I am feeling and let myself feel that way.

I need to be honest that while I love the feeling I get after an intense work-out, I also love the feeling I get after a few glasses of really great red wine (at the time, not always the next morning). While I thoroughly enjoy a healthy kale and protein based smoothie packed with chia seeds, I also enjoy a cheese and antipasto platter to go with my wines. Finally, while I do believe in the power of the universe and that positivity attracts positivity, right now I just need to be honest about the fact that I have been struggling to have faith in anything.

I am not the kind of person to plaster my feelings all over Facebook – not that there is anything wrong with that – nor am I the kind of person that feels the need to talk about my feelings to everyone that will listen. Again, to be honest, because that’s what this is all about, I have kept all my feelings very close to my chest in recent times because I simply haven’t been able to talk about things without falling in a heap. So over and above this blog being about helping others to achieve balance, it is sort of a little experiment for me. It’s a journey and if you feel like you might be able to connect with certain issues that I am going through, or you find you just enjoy receiving my fitness tips or want to know a bit more about wine and basically how to live a balanced life – I appreciate you taking the time to be a part of this journey.

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  1. Sheree / June 23, 2015 at 10:28 am

    It takes a lot of courage to open up and be honest with people – but it’s also a very rewarding experience. Thanks for sharing Holly, I’m sure this site will help others to do the same 🙂

  2. sue / June 24, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    I am sorry to hear you have had a rough time of it. I hope your Mom is ok. Stay strong. Great post!

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